As I was lying down last night, my head hitting the pillow after a long day-I felt like something was missing. I lie there for a moment, thinking if I had forgotten something that day, and was suddenly and physically compelled to pray for our child…the one we don’t know yet.
Tears came to my eyes as I realized that my heart is a little bit broken right now, and will be until our child comes home. Something in me is not quite complete and it nags me every day. I believe it is the reality that we have a child, born of a different mother, out there somewhere. I do not know if I will have a son or a daughter. I do not know what state he or she will be born in and I do no know what this child will look like. BUT-I am in love.
There is a cosmic, supernatural bond that connects me with this child, even now. It is on the same level as when I carried Lois within me, but in an altogether different way. I cannot feel this child moving inside me. I cannot take my vitamins; track my calendar and head to the doctor monthly. Yet I am expecting.
This adoption has some how transformed from this abstract concept to something very real. A very real yearning for a very real child that will soon be mine to nurture, comfort, feed, name and call my own.
And, until I hold my child close to my chest and whisper prayers of love and adoration over them, there will remain this, very real, hole in my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment