think about these words:

"blessed are the poor in spirit. blessed are the humble. blessed are the meek." (Matthew 5)

then watch tv for one hour, work in corporate america, go to a shopping mall, a target, even a church, for that matter.

is that what you hear? (blessed are the meek?)
i think not. everything is screaming at us:
STATUS, RECOGNITION, MONEY, HARD BODY, GOOD CLOTHES, PERFECT HOUSES, MONEY, BETTER, BIGGER, MORE/MORE/MORE!

but then, out of the mouth of GOD HIMSELF:
"blessed are the meek."

doesn't God know that it is not so much fun to be meek? what's up with that?

God has continually set forth situations in the life of our family that have kept us from status, recognition, money (and forget the hard bodies, those days are gone.)
and, we have gotten close (at least we thought so) a time or two.
and, He has said no-that we are to remain meek. humble.
and, i will tell you what....it is just that...humbling. it hurts to the core to have your pride put in check that way.
but, He says that we are blessed because of it. wait a minute, he doesn't just say blessed...he says "they will inherit the earth". ahem. excuse me? mike check- is this thing on?
did you hear that?

all i know, is that we are simple people. we were made that way. it is of our own doing that we have convoluted everything and think we need all that we need. (Celebration of Discipline, Foster)
and, may i be clear, i am not talking simple, as in the magazine, Real Simple. no, we do not need everything sorted and filed away in millions of dollars worth of Container Store merchandise.
we are a simple race. we need God. we need Jesus. we need love. we need each other. we need the Earth. done and done.

so, as our family continues to fight the good fight an even fight against ourselves and that nagging feeling that we need, need, need...i cling to this:

There is the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE, the maker of stars and air, and atoms and synapses and babies....and he loves me. (and, of course-he loves you.)
And, maybe, just maybe, he loves me so much, he wants me meek.
If i am meek, He gets to be strong. in me! If i am meek, then i cling to him more closely than ever and, since I am His girl, he rather likes it that way. Maybe one day, i will mature enough to be able to handle riches, status, recognition. or, maybe that will never be the case and i will die feeling meek.
oohhh, but then i get to inherit the earth!

sweet.

Update

What I am up to lately:

• Meal planning, cooking and attempting to make fresh, healthy meals within a pretty strict budget.
• Laughing with my husband of almost five years.
• Playing with my sweet girl. (dolls, dirt, books, balls and trains.)
• Trying to be a good friend and neighborly neighbor.
• Meeting with a group of believers to dig into the Word of God and get healed.
• Learning more about photography.
• Singing with some amazing singers in a city choir.
• Doing ALOT of laundry, dishes and dusting.
• Simplifying our belongings. 
• Trying to be a woman known for loving well.
• Holding and singing to my baby girl.
• Waiting for baby #2 and the call that will forever change our lives.
• Watching movies with my hot husband of almost five years. 
• Drinking more coffee than i ever have and feeding that addiction daily.
• Dreaming of making a difference in my community and across the world.
• Going on getaways with my incredible husband of almost five years.
• Working out. Doing yoga.
• Thrift shopping.
• Going on walks with my darling girl and watering plants too.
• Putting my itty bitty precious child in time out.
• Petting my dog, playing with him in the yard and fully accepting his smelliness and multiple idiosyncrasies.
• Fighting insecurities and telling the lies to go away.
• Supporting my humble and hardworking husband through trying times.
• Giving myself grace to not get it all done every day.

this journey

waiting for our baby is proving to be both beautiful and heartbreaking.

the longing for our child grows and the days until we meet seem to get longer and longer.

we knew there would be bumps along the way, but that does not lesson the pain of going over them.

however, the journey that God is taking us on as a family is special and unique and an honor.
its an honor to wait. on our child.

we love being a family of three. 

but long to add another. 

son, daughter.

sister or brother. 

i have been wanting to/meaning to blog for some time now, but i have been tired.
you know--to the bone- TIRRRRREEEEDDDD. 


i have been meaning to do a great many things, now that i think about it.
actually sometimes my running "to do" list spins around in my brain adding to my exhaustion exponentially. i have had to work really hard to not let my lack of productivity in some areas get me down. that, also makes me tired.

i am realizing that this is a season where there are many things that will have fall to the wayside. and, for now...this blog is one of them. 

i shall be back soon, i am sure. but, for now...when i have spare time, i rest.
now, where is my pillow?

I like good food, and I cannot lie...

Ever noticed how a great piece of Parmesan cheese, some blackberries and a Coke Zero can take you from blah to ahhhh???
No? Well, I hold that in my tantrum-taming, potty-training, babydoll playing world-its the little things that count.
A cup of coffee and a piece of biscotti, a rustic slice of bread with butter and jam, toasted walnuts on my salad, ooohhh or stuffed olives.
Delightful naptime treats that have spa-like qualites for this mama.

So, thank you God, for the gift of food and that I am so blessed to not only eat, but eat with pleasure.

The Great Balancing Act

Exhale.

I am trying to come to grips with my stage and place in life right now. Hell, let's be honest, I am trying to figure out just what those are.

Here is what I know:
I am a wife
I am a mother

These two things I know, almost inherently, because they are two of my biggest devotions. Time, love, energy, acts of service go to these two roles.

But, what else? Hmmmmm...


I know that I am a child of God.
Okay, let's go with that.
I have an active and open relationship with the Creator of the Universe, whom I like to call "Abba". yeah, that's right..."daddy". God is a many things to me...he is a great many things.
BUT, he is my daddy and I am His girl. So, the implication with that kind of relationship is that I would be ecstatic to see Him every day,  and run into his arms and be content in the safety found there.
However, most days, its noon before I remember to speak to Him. AND, when I do, its is often in broken, distracted, incoherent thoughts and phrases. I feel a strain on this relationship mostly put there by my lack of discipline to spend time there and just dwell.

Okay, moving on.

There are also so many things I want to be:

A good friend.
In shape and healthier.
An accomplished photographer.
A songstress.
Active and involved in my community.
Organized
A good keeper of the house
A writer
A traveler
An encourager and helper
Known

All of these desires are good. All of these desires pull at me. They pull at my balance. They pull at my top three priorities.
Yet, I think that all of these things have a place in my life and (some more than others) are vital, even.

So, as we kick off a new year...this is my quest: to find more balance.
To thoughtfully and prayerfully consider what I am putting my time towards and to go forth in peace, throwing off the guilt that so easily entangles.
(Picture seaweed. Sometimes i feel caked in twisted, gnarly, smelly guilty seaweed.)


Oh. Lord, have mercy.

Technology and me

I am writing from an iPad. Yeah, this will not be a long post. I am not so great at the pseudo-keyboard. I prefer the click clack of a real keyboard. In fact, I remember sitting in my room for hours, as a kid, typing on my parents typewriter. i loved the rhythm of the pedals hitting the paper and the zzzziiiinngggg....dddiiiinngg of sliding the carriage back to the other side. Guess I have always been a music lover. Heck, I used to harmonize to the vacuum cleaner.
This is turning out to be an odd post making me out to sound like a very peculiar child. So, I will stop there. Just thought I would give it a try on the touch screen...cause I am a modern woman and all.
Nope.
I hate it.
Where is my typewriter?