I am trying to come to grips with my stage and place in life right now. Hell, let's be honest, I am trying to figure out just what those are.
Here is what I know:
I am a wife
I am a mother
These two things I know, almost inherently, because they are two of my biggest devotions. Time, love, energy, acts of service go to these two roles.
But, what else? Hmmmmm...
I know that I am a child of God.
Okay, let's go with that.
I have an active and open relationship with the Creator of the Universe, whom I like to call "Abba". yeah, that's right..."daddy". God is a many things to me...he is a great many things.
BUT, he is my daddy and I am His girl. So, the implication with that kind of relationship is that I would be ecstatic to see Him every day, and run into his arms and be content in the safety found there.
However, most days, its noon before I remember to speak to Him. AND, when I do, its is often in broken, distracted, incoherent thoughts and phrases. I feel a strain on this relationship mostly put there by my lack of discipline to spend time there and just dwell.
Okay, moving on.
There are also so many things I want to be:
A good friend.
In shape and healthier.
An accomplished photographer.
A songstress.
Active and involved in my community.
Organized
A good keeper of the house
A writer
A traveler
An encourager and helper
Known
All of these desires are good. All of these desires pull at me. They pull at my balance. They pull at my top three priorities.
Yet, I think that all of these things have a place in my life and (some more than others) are vital, even.
So, as we kick off a new year...this is my quest: to find more balance.
To thoughtfully and prayerfully consider what I am putting my time towards and to go forth in peace, throwing off the guilt that so easily entangles.
(Picture seaweed. Sometimes i feel caked in twisted, gnarly, smelly guilty seaweed.)
Oh. Lord, have mercy.
You probably should not have asked me to chime in on this, because I can only tell you the truth I see in the matter and you're probably looking forward to encouragement.
ReplyDeleteI think balance is evil. There I said it. I know it sounds extreme, but the most evil things are the ones that nobody would ever call evil and so they thrive. The Bible doesn't instruct us to be balanced, it instructs us to be wildly devoted, reckless and unbalanced to the point that people recognize us as off-beat in a wonderful way.
What balance really means is spreading your time and attention out among many things so that each of them gets about 20% of you.
I believe that all the things you want to be, you already are.....they just might not be recognized by the world to the extent you desire.
If I needed advice from a friend about traveling, I'd call you...you've done far more than me for more time. If I needed a friend to help me paint or decorate something on a shoestring budget, I'd call you. If I wanted encouragement to keep up my blog better, I'd call you. If I needed a good friend to take heirloom photos of my baby's birth and encourage me through the hardest thing I'll ever do in life, I'd call you....oh, wait, I already did!
I dare say these feelings are quite silly and that if you prayed for fire and desire for God, you'd get it. The best thing I learned, (one of them anyway) was to fake it till you make it. Get into that Pursuit journal at 6am and hate it until you start to crave it. Seek him with all your heart, not a well-balanced heart.
damn. thanks, friend.
ReplyDeletethose are good words, stephanie. speaking to me today. and pam, as in all things in life, i have no wisdom. :)
ReplyDelete